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links, thinky thoughts

The Glass Mountain and the Sensible Child.
Right People

I have thoughts percolating, but they don't want to come out clearly. So I share messy.

Things about it being easier to be angry at yourself than other people because it's easy to come up with excuses for why other people might be behaving poorly. And, at least theoretically, one _knows_ why one does what one does.

Mind, this is a pernicious and dangerous belief. It was _shockingly_ hard to realize and understand that my emotions and subconscious and physical state were all combining with what I was consciously thinking, in order to affect both my world view and my idea of what was ok. And that's just the start of a journey involving 'who does what when why and how'. It's not just about what one is thinking, or what one is feeling, or who one is or was or will be. We are the sum of our parts, not just individual parts. Being asked if I value emotional reasoning over intellectual reasoning is a false dichotomy; they intertwine!

Thinkings about Right People and how hard it was for me to believe that there really _were_ people who were not only better for me than those I had previously know, but who were - and are - actively _good_ for me. And I'm good for them. Small towns make this harder to realize, perhaps. Or, maybe it's not town size, but communication about who exists and what social groups and norms and such. One of the things I desperately wish I could tell my younger self is that, honest to goodness, there are people in my life now - lots of them, although many are not nearby - who are just... fabulous. None of this tolerating me, or not being actively unpleasant. People who want to be with me and spend time and chat and snuggle and just _be_ together. And who I similarly want to be with.

Thinkings about how hard these kinds of things are to understand when, like the separation between touch and sex and how they can, but don't have to, intertwine, our culture is _so sure_ that this is how things are and should be and must be.

I'm not very good at should be and must be, and I'm not very good at settling. So many times in my life, things got better purely because I just couldn't settle for the mediocre - and sometimes actively bad - that I had. And I so often wish that I could somehow install this in other people. Good is possible. Right is possible. Happy is possible. But you can't settle for close enough or you may never find it.

So. Thinkings. And sharings of links.

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( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
brynndragon
Nov. 28th, 2012 08:20 pm (UTC)
Right People makes me think of ill-fitting pants, in that it's not that they're bad pants, they just don't fit you as well as these other pants over here, and really it's best for you *and* the pants to find the people who fit them.
hfcougar
Nov. 28th, 2012 09:16 pm (UTC)
One of the hardest lessons I worked on with my therapist is that just because I can tolerate something doesn't mean that I should. I still struggle with it now (literally - I've just started moving out of a house I should have left 6+ months ago) and I know it's affected how long I stayed in past relationships and past jobs.
metahacker
Nov. 29th, 2012 12:30 pm (UTC)
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weegoddess
Dec. 17th, 2012 07:53 pm (UTC)
::catching up a bit on the More Important Posts::

I'm now remembering the lovely smile on your face at the party over the weekend; you were clearly being very happy and it was lovely to behold.

::many lovely huggles::
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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