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Dark chocolate in s'mores is inadvisable

If you decide to make s'mores in your toaster oven, even if you usually prefer dark chocolate, milk chocolate is much wiser. First, dark chocolate will go liquidy and stay that way the entire time you are trying to eat it. Second, it stays _quite_ hot. Also, ow.

And now you know!

One-piece, footless pajamas

What do you call the things in the title?

I have no go to word for this!

Things what are distracting

Exploring recent research on robotics and virtual agents and immersive virtual environments and whatever else I get distracted by while trying to select a useful topic for my fourth year project (and dissertation).

I doubt we have the hardware for the immersive virtual environment stuff, alas.

*continues exploring*

Made me laugh. :)

The background on a fellow grad student's computer was this shirt. I kept giggling for a while. :)

http://www.snorgtees.com/never-trust-an-atom-they-make-up-everything

Hurt foot = restless

Because not only am i not getting much exercise, but my normal movements are not smooth.

Bah.

But it's _SO WARM_.

Even just a little bit of work in the garden had me dripping sweat.

*checks wunderground*

Oh. It's 90.

Yeesh.

I hope it rains soon.

Why _can't_ we record smells?

Or touch?

I was outside briefly to put things in the shed, and was all "I want to take a picture of the smells!"

After a pause, I was bemused to realize that no, I cannot photograph the smell of our lilacs in bloom. Nor the feel of things.

Why not?!
Free things on Fridays this summer

Me, I think the MIT museum on June 26th, Garden in the Woods on June 31st, Tower Hill Botanical Garden on July 17th, Arnold Arboretum at Harvard or Fruitlands Museum on July 24th, Boston Harbor Islands National and State Park on Aug 7th, Franklin Park Zoo on Aug 21st, and the EcoTarium on Aug 28th all sound interesting.

I also still mean to go to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum (mostly for what I hear about the Courtyard) at some point.

Navigation is hard!

I keep making basic navigation errors this month, of the sort that i realize only after after making them. Missing turns, turning the wrong way, randomly leaving the highway much too early (like this morning), walking past the place I'm headed to... My commute so far hasn't had this happen, at least!

Wonder if it's related to randomly trying to do a different, but valid, thing than what was called at squares lately...

Sleepy, stressed brain is having weird errors, yes.

link

Some of why I read the LJs of some of the authors I read:

Seanan's Pike's Peak keynote speech.

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Apr. 21st, 2015

I r not actually awake. I just got on the train going the wrong way, for one thing...

Also, i kept losing my left and right and taking too long to process words (and therefore both calls i knew and explanations of calls).

Brain hurts!

... why am I convinced it's Thursday?

This is very confusing. Did you know it's not Thursday today?! How does that work?

I have no idea at _all_ where my water bottle went. I has a sad. Need to get a strap for the silver one I got from school, as it's at least also metal, even though it holds less water than the missing brilliant green one.

Also, it was _WAY_ warmer out than I expected when I walked to school. So many layers removed. Probably going to go grab a handy skirt that's in my bag from last week to wear to Squares as it'll likely be too warm for leggings.

The weather _looked_ like it'd be cool today! Maybe it'll be cooler later.

My sweatshirt with the winged wolf on it has a URL on it. Who knew (evidently people who are looking at it. ;)? Maybe eventually - when I have money - I will replace my disintegrating... aw, no. They don't still have a big cat wheel. I _could_ replace my Gryphon Wheel, though.

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Omg at least one living fish!

I saw a living, if furtive, Rosy red minnow a few minutes ago. Maybe other vertebrates lived!

Mar. 26th, 2015

"Cuddling someone into submission"

Why might one be doing this? Discuss!

[edit: Huh, ok. I was being silly with that question, and got no silly answers! Admittedly, I am an excellent example of someone who often _needs_ to be cuddled into submission!]

Signs of spring

It smells like wet dirt, i didn't have to wear a coat on top of my fleece, there are large swaths of bare dirt (but not in our yard yet), aaaand there are bits of green poking out of the ground!

awake at 5:30a

Apparently means easily amused. Which really isn't a bad state to be grading in!

Housemate search (not mine)

http://ratatosk.livejournal.com/323469.html - You wanna live near Davis with ratatosk and mirrored_echo, right? Or you know someone who does?
metahacker, hugging me: "You're only fuzzy in one direction!"
Me: What am I in the other direction?
metahacker: "yzzuF!"
Me: *giggling for many minutes*
metahacker, to galaneia: I got her!

So surreal

And, we're at the point in being sick where I'm pretty sure I'm actually dreaming or at least reality isn't doing a very good job.

Not allowed to make decisions. Probably shouldn't drive, either, but that's much harder to avoid. We'll see how much of this week makes it to long term memory in a form that makes sense and i can access later.

Plus side? Only a degree warmer than usual. So probably not surreality due to fever.

Now I feed kitties and go to bed.

In unrelated news, have a photo of our back yard. Things are definitely starting to melt, at least compared to what was almost the highest the snow has been
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That was somewhat ironic

Just got out of a cog sci colloquium on neurofeedback and ADD and attention and focus.

As you may or may not know, I have a lot of trouble paying attention to speech. The longer it goes on, the less able I am to focus on it. If I'm not exhausted (eg not winter), I can often play mindless card games on my computer to help my focus, but I forgot to bring my iPad into this talk.

And... about 40 minutes in, my attention _would not_ stay on the presenter any longer. (mind you, this is after a 2.5 hour morning class which is also a whole lot of listening) Found myself doing things like fiddling with blinds whose slats were not all facing the same direction (which wasn't quiet, but I couldn't avoid it anymore), jiggling my leg, and otherwise struggling to stay focused. The talk ended after around an hour and ten minutes, and if I hadn't had such trouble staying focused, I'd totally have been interested in the neurofeedback demonstration. I just _couldn't_ anymore, though. It was at the point of being painful by that point.

I have no idea if I have some minor form of ADD. I know only that listening to someone talk for long periods of time is _exhausting_ and difficult. And worse when I'm tired.

So now I'm going to wait a bit before driving home, because my focus is completely shot. And while I don't want to have to deal with rush hour traffic, I want to drive in this state even less.

Now, some meditation or otherwise not having to pay attention to my surroundings. My brain is full!

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Matricies, we hates them...

In the list of things that I really struggle with, matricies are definitely up there. Hanging out with trig and torque.

Matricies are probably not helped by having learned them in a rush when my calc 2 TA realized that I'd never learned them. (this, mind you, was the TA who tried _very hard_ to get me to change my major from CS to math)

One midterm down...

Computational modeling homework and grading student midterms remaining (for Monday).

I have no idea why I dislike being the first person to leave the room for a test but I do. And it's often the case. I either know how to answer a question or I don't, so I do what I can, and go back over it to make sure I made sense (short essay format) and catch anything I remembered in the meantime, and I'm _still_ often first person out.

Ah, well. Could have been worse. Feel like I remembered most of what I needed to remember.school

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Ow

That was a lot of ice to attack during the brief warm that was today. My right hand _hates_ me. But our sidewalk is clear. And our stairs are less terrifying.

Slightly less doom

Time with metahacker and not even attempting to do work helps. So does sleeping until 10a.

It's approximately midway through the time period from mid-Jan to mid-March (my worst time of year). Maybe the doom will start lessening soon...

But... I forgot to lightbox this morning. Dammit. This has not been a good week for lightboxing. That _can't_ be helping anything.

Feb. 20th, 2015

Today has all the doom.

Maybe tomorrow will have less.

Good morning, snow

Did you know the ground is down? Not up, or sideways? You're fun to watch, dancing around!

I have no focus, also exercise

Turns out that I have no focus. This makes grading papers rather... difficult, as I get distracted _in the paper_ from what I'm actually supposed to be grading. La.

Things I never remember about me and exercise: Exercise that is useful in the short term (eg shoveling or using our snow blower or working in the garden) and exercise that is fun (working in the garden is here, too, and wandering around in nature, and social type exercise like Squares if I have help to make sure I actually go) are the types of exercise that I will actually _do_.

Seems like nearly every day this month, I'm doing enough physical work that I'm covered in sweat and achy _somewhere_ by the end of the day. Currently, my right shoulder says I use it too much when using the ice pick.

Anyway. Back to grading papers. And trying to focus.

It's probably good that we keep having snow days. I fear how far behind I'd be if we didn't. Of course, dealing with the snow does take a lot of time and energy, so mu?

Also, the plants on the third floor and in my bedroom are watered. The first floor, not recently. Poor plants.

This seems like overkill, weather...

Yes, there might be more snow coming.

Because February this year apparently needs _all_ the snow. Are we over our wintertime total snow record yet?

Plus side, it might not affect classes next week.

Minus side, as far as I can tell, no one knows when the MBTA rail services will be back.

Exercise is good. Not enough social time outside the house, less so.

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Random helpful person

Why yes i am happy to have you pull the snow berm out of our driveway, random snow plow guy! I'm not out at 8p because i want to be. :)

Tomorrow at 6:30a, we see if i have school or not.

How high will this get?

Think it'll get to the top of our fence by winter's end? At least on the left side?

Happy cat!

She decided to hold my thumb so i couldn't get away.

(because cut flowers are depressing)

Because I needed them. A tiny cyclamen, and a hyacinth (jasra, you're so rarely here nowadays that I thought it was safe to get one).

Evidently I wasn't the only one who needed enthusiastic flowering plants in the house! (We have others, including african violets, but hyacinths are kind of nuts, flower-wise)

I guess now I see if I can keep a cyclamen alive. :)

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Fellow sexual minority grad students!

Note that poly is not in the list of things included.

A survey as part of a study that you might want to take:

"My name is Mike Duncan, and I am a doctoral candidate at Pacific University in the School of Professional Psychology, Clinical Psychology program. I am interested in increasing our knowledge base regarding the social support of sexual minority graduate students. Your participation would be very valuable in increasing our understanding of this phenomenon. I hope you will consider participating in the study below.

Sexual minority graduate students currently enrolled in a 3-year (or longer) psychology program are invited to participate in an IRB-approved online survey [IRB # 156-14] that will enhance our understanding of the relation between sense of belonging and internalized sexual prejudice. The survey should take approximately 20 minutes to complete. Participants can choose to enter a drawing for one of three $20 Visa gift cards.

To participate in the study, please click the link below:

http://www.surveygizmo.com/…/Internalized-Sexual-Prejudice-…

If you have questions about this research, please contact the Principal Investigator, Mike Duncan, at dunc1523@pacificu.edu.

Thank you for your time, interest, and participation."

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Eat my cookies!

There was cookie making. I might have a lot of cookies now.

I might be wandering around school telling people to eat my cookies... :)

jasra's recipe.

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Depression sucks

I hate that it's so subtle. That i can suddenly realize that I'm wicked depressed, in large part based on noticing what assumptions I'm making.

That it's somehow entirely reasonable to think that everyone else is more interesting/important/worthwhile/successful than me and everyone obviously thinks this is true. Or to think that everyone is tolerating me and don't actually want me around.

Even knowing that depression is a lying liar that lies doesn't actually help because knowing things intellectually doesn't shut it up.

I think this is why cuddling helps. It's really difficult to believe the lies when being held or otherwise in affectionate contact. I think it's also part of why people coming to me in winter is helpful (harder to believe tolerance of people who come to me).

It's going to be dim for a few days. Wish the sun would come back, as i suspect the intensity of today's depression is due to a lack of sun. I don't think i was this bad yesterday.

Winter you are evil!

Not sure i slept last night. Very very tired of coughing. This morning's class ate all my energy for the day. Want all the cuddles so hopefully metahacker is feeling better today than yesterday.

Evidently I'm in someone else needs to deal with life for me mode. :(

Etsy has many pretty things!

I just spent ~20 minutes perusing things it thought I might like. :)

Really neat jewelry
Jewelry with bits of plants in
There should be a stingray on my ear! (or a sparrow, a hummingbird with ivy, a gator, or a lizard)
adorable teacup and corresponding spoon rest
Tiny bottled things!
Gorgeous bedding
Fuzzzzzzzzzy...

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Difficulty focusing!

Construction outside my office window is _not_ helping.

Construction below my office appears to be mostly complete, at least.

*walks around inside building and goes back to reading for class*

BioPsych

To my lack of surprise, Biopsych is full of terminology I vaguely remember from years and years ago. Darn you terminology! It's one of those things I have a lot of trouble retaining, you see.

We will be tested through essays and a term paper, but I do need to be able to understand and use these terms. This probably means there will be flash cards. Also a human brain coloring book.

Gonna take a break from the reading for Tuesday, I think.

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