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I'm being all organized and attempting to keep track of my food preferences somewhere useful for pointing people to it. I will add to it as I remember things (and/or people remind me), and am putting it into my "me FAQ" memories category.

Note: most of the time, food is so I stop being hungry and have energy and can think.

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Sleep last night was _difficult_

I'm not clear on how I can be exhausted at 8p and go to bed, then spend two hours being too warm but too tired to do anything about it, then hungry and eat food and fix the blankets then too cold and then not enough weight and seriously, sleep?

Awake at 6a, also, for no apparent reason.

I may be a bit dazed today! 


Driving when the world is surreal is definitely an experience.

It's surprisingly difficult to focus on driving and my surroundings in that state. Music helped.

But I'm home safe. And i don't think it's actually as cold out as i think (having had the heat blasting the entire way home), which between surreal and that make me suspect fever.

I don't know why it is that i want all the cuddles when I'm sick, but boy do i want all the people right now. All of them. Cuddle pile required! Stat!

Soon i will muster the energy to go in the house. My car's steering wheel should not be this comfortable. And probably isn't actually.

I would very much like to stop being sick, please. This month, why so much sick?

Oct. 22nd, 2015

rowyn asks interesting questions about problematic tropes in fiction.

I have not enough brain to respond myself, but thought someone of you might be interested and/or have thoughts to share.


no context for you!

"I wonder if saying this would be too politically incorrect?"

Me: "...probably."

Oct. 11th, 2015

Trying to do the homework that my students will be asking me about tomorrow makes me very aware of the fact that I have _no idea_ how to find an appropriate IPA vowel for the way I say "fan" (pan, can, Dan, etc).

*is confused at Wiki's audio IPA vowels*


what pets have you had or lived with (as a child or as an adult)?

guinea pigs
plants, air
plants, aquatic
plants, terrestrial
other things (comments?)

Edit: I forgot rabbits, horses, and goats as options! Alas.



This is really cool. (American dialects)


People. I like them.

And my curiosity appears to be back and _staying_ back. This appears to be strongly correlated to how chipper I'm being.

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It's often easier to remember things if I say them aloud, so for one of the questions I keep saying "inflect, derive, inflect, inflect, derive" and then either "yes", or I interrupt myself with "um..."

Also, periods of "yes, good, yes... what? No..." or "what?" followed by confusion probably sound pretty odd.

(grading is boring, so weird things occur to me! And apparently music means I can keep _doing_ it without insanity, but still boring)

Brain stutters, beauty

In the context of my pending hair cut, being reassured that someone (who I have admittedly been dating a long time) is certain that I will continue to be beautiful with short hair, evidently makes for a mental stutter (hiccup? not sure).

IM may have meant my mental stutter was non-obvious, I have no idea. I did manage an appropriate thank you in a reasonable amount of time.

I think I was bemused for a number of reasons. First, the notification of pending short hair was meant to be informational. Mind you, we had just been talking about my leaving grad school, and I'd pointed him to my recent posts on the topic. (This was in large part both a 'fyi' and a 'this likely means I'm not visiting you this year'.) So he had good reason to believe I might need reassurance in general.

But, and I think this is the more interesting aspect, I have trouble thinking of myself as beautiful if the context is purely appearance-based. It's not that I don't think I'm attractive (although, yes, depression is not helpful there), but that to me the concept of physical beauty is both highly unusual (I think a _very_ small - perhaps nonexistent? - number of people are beautiful when based solely on appearance) and needs to be to the level of breathtaking/awe to make sense.

So what's beauty?

I can't think of a way I use it purely about people's appearances. A still photograph of someone just can't be beautiful to me. Water, sky, the play of light on things: things like this can be still shots and be beautiful to me. Not people. (and perhaps not animals or plants, either. Not without light/water/sky things going on)

Once you add motion, it's no longer just physical appearance. It's going to include how someone expresses themselves, how they move, how they carry themselves. Even if you ignore possible sound/vocal cues, there is a _lot_ of info in motion.

One example for which I am pretty consistent relates to graceful movement. If someone nearby is doing something graceful, and I notice and don't have a good reason not to, I will become entirely distracted and just watch. It's absolutely about awe and beauty and things for which words are not coming. And it is entirely possible that my jaw will actually drop.

I have a similar reaction to enthusiasm being shared with someone, where, if it's with me, it's usually stronger than if I just happen to get to watch other people enjoying that experience. Enthusiasm and glee about things are absolutely beautiful.

Other ways people move can be beautiful, although it's not often something I'll notice if I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone (paying attention to conversation trumps noticing physical things). I think it may still tend to involve either grace or enthusiasm, now that I think about it! Or sometimes the way the light catches someone.

Perhaps my bafflement at being called beautiful is simply that I don't have many contexts in which I find people beautiful. So it's a temporary (and often fleeting) thing ('estar'), not a constant thing ('ser'). Which, why do we not have two "to be" words like Spanish does?

What do you all find beautiful?


Went on my own on Monday now that I have a pass for the year.

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XKCD wins!

http://xkcd.com/1564/ - very much a thing I have thought (and I'm not a sociologist).

Dark chocolate in s'mores is inadvisable

If you decide to make s'mores in your toaster oven, even if you usually prefer dark chocolate, milk chocolate is much wiser. First, dark chocolate will go liquidy and stay that way the entire time you are trying to eat it. Second, it stays _quite_ hot. Also, ow.

And now you know!

One-piece, footless pajamas

What do you call the things in the title?

I have no go to word for this!

Things what are distracting

Exploring recent research on robotics and virtual agents and immersive virtual environments and whatever else I get distracted by while trying to select a useful topic for my fourth year project (and dissertation).

I doubt we have the hardware for the immersive virtual environment stuff, alas.

*continues exploring*

Made me laugh. :)

The background on a fellow grad student's computer was this shirt. I kept giggling for a while. :)


Hurt foot = restless

Because not only am i not getting much exercise, but my normal movements are not smooth.


But it's _SO WARM_.

Even just a little bit of work in the garden had me dripping sweat.

*checks wunderground*

Oh. It's 90.


I hope it rains soon.

Why _can't_ we record smells?

Or touch?

I was outside briefly to put things in the shed, and was all "I want to take a picture of the smells!"

After a pause, I was bemused to realize that no, I cannot photograph the smell of our lilacs in bloom. Nor the feel of things.

Why not?!
Free things on Fridays this summer

Me, I think the MIT museum on June 26th, Garden in the Woods on June 31st, Tower Hill Botanical Garden on July 17th, Arnold Arboretum at Harvard or Fruitlands Museum on July 24th, Boston Harbor Islands National and State Park on Aug 7th, Franklin Park Zoo on Aug 21st, and the EcoTarium on Aug 28th all sound interesting.

I also still mean to go to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum (mostly for what I hear about the Courtyard) at some point.

Navigation is hard!

I keep making basic navigation errors this month, of the sort that i realize only after after making them. Missing turns, turning the wrong way, randomly leaving the highway much too early (like this morning), walking past the place I'm headed to... My commute so far hasn't had this happen, at least!

Wonder if it's related to randomly trying to do a different, but valid, thing than what was called at squares lately...

Sleepy, stressed brain is having weird errors, yes.


Some of why I read the LJs of some of the authors I read:

Seanan's Pike's Peak keynote speech.


Apr. 21st, 2015

I r not actually awake. I just got on the train going the wrong way, for one thing...

Also, i kept losing my left and right and taking too long to process words (and therefore both calls i knew and explanations of calls).

Brain hurts!

... why am I convinced it's Thursday?

This is very confusing. Did you know it's not Thursday today?! How does that work?

I have no idea at _all_ where my water bottle went. I has a sad. Need to get a strap for the silver one I got from school, as it's at least also metal, even though it holds less water than the missing brilliant green one.

Also, it was _WAY_ warmer out than I expected when I walked to school. So many layers removed. Probably going to go grab a handy skirt that's in my bag from last week to wear to Squares as it'll likely be too warm for leggings.

The weather _looked_ like it'd be cool today! Maybe it'll be cooler later.

My sweatshirt with the winged wolf on it has a URL on it. Who knew (evidently people who are looking at it. ;)? Maybe eventually - when I have money - I will replace my disintegrating... aw, no. They don't still have a big cat wheel. I _could_ replace my Gryphon Wheel, though.


Omg at least one living fish!

I saw a living, if furtive, Rosy red minnow a few minutes ago. Maybe other vertebrates lived!

Mar. 26th, 2015

"Cuddling someone into submission"

Why might one be doing this? Discuss!

[edit: Huh, ok. I was being silly with that question, and got no silly answers! Admittedly, I am an excellent example of someone who often _needs_ to be cuddled into submission!]

Signs of spring

It smells like wet dirt, i didn't have to wear a coat on top of my fleece, there are large swaths of bare dirt (but not in our yard yet), aaaand there are bits of green poking out of the ground!

awake at 5:30a

Apparently means easily amused. Which really isn't a bad state to be grading in!

Housemate search (not mine)

http://ratatosk.livejournal.com/323469.html - You wanna live near Davis with ratatosk and mirrored_echo, right? Or you know someone who does?
metahacker, hugging me: "You're only fuzzy in one direction!"
Me: What am I in the other direction?
metahacker: "yzzuF!"
Me: *giggling for many minutes*
metahacker, to galaneia: I got her!

So surreal

And, we're at the point in being sick where I'm pretty sure I'm actually dreaming or at least reality isn't doing a very good job.

Not allowed to make decisions. Probably shouldn't drive, either, but that's much harder to avoid. We'll see how much of this week makes it to long term memory in a form that makes sense and i can access later.

Plus side? Only a degree warmer than usual. So probably not surreality due to fever.

Now I feed kitties and go to bed.

In unrelated news, have a photo of our back yard. Things are definitely starting to melt, at least compared to what was almost the highest the snow has been
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That was somewhat ironic

Just got out of a cog sci colloquium on neurofeedback and ADD and attention and focus.

As you may or may not know, I have a lot of trouble paying attention to speech. The longer it goes on, the less able I am to focus on it. If I'm not exhausted (eg not winter), I can often play mindless card games on my computer to help my focus, but I forgot to bring my iPad into this talk.

And... about 40 minutes in, my attention _would not_ stay on the presenter any longer. (mind you, this is after a 2.5 hour morning class which is also a whole lot of listening) Found myself doing things like fiddling with blinds whose slats were not all facing the same direction (which wasn't quiet, but I couldn't avoid it anymore), jiggling my leg, and otherwise struggling to stay focused. The talk ended after around an hour and ten minutes, and if I hadn't had such trouble staying focused, I'd totally have been interested in the neurofeedback demonstration. I just _couldn't_ anymore, though. It was at the point of being painful by that point.

I have no idea if I have some minor form of ADD. I know only that listening to someone talk for long periods of time is _exhausting_ and difficult. And worse when I'm tired.

So now I'm going to wait a bit before driving home, because my focus is completely shot. And while I don't want to have to deal with rush hour traffic, I want to drive in this state even less.

Now, some meditation or otherwise not having to pay attention to my surroundings. My brain is full!


Matricies, we hates them...

In the list of things that I really struggle with, matricies are definitely up there. Hanging out with trig and torque.

Matricies are probably not helped by having learned them in a rush when my calc 2 TA realized that I'd never learned them. (this, mind you, was the TA who tried _very hard_ to get me to change my major from CS to math)

One midterm down...

Computational modeling homework and grading student midterms remaining (for Monday).

I have no idea why I dislike being the first person to leave the room for a test but I do. And it's often the case. I either know how to answer a question or I don't, so I do what I can, and go back over it to make sure I made sense (short essay format) and catch anything I remembered in the meantime, and I'm _still_ often first person out.

Ah, well. Could have been worse. Feel like I remembered most of what I needed to remember.school



That was a lot of ice to attack during the brief warm that was today. My right hand _hates_ me. But our sidewalk is clear. And our stairs are less terrifying.

Slightly less doom

Time with metahacker and not even attempting to do work helps. So does sleeping until 10a.

It's approximately midway through the time period from mid-Jan to mid-March (my worst time of year). Maybe the doom will start lessening soon...

But... I forgot to lightbox this morning. Dammit. This has not been a good week for lightboxing. That _can't_ be helping anything.

Feb. 20th, 2015

Today has all the doom.

Maybe tomorrow will have less.


pelted, Asanii, haikujaguar
student of braaaains!

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November 2015



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