Awake at 6a, also, for no apparent reason.
I may be a bit dazed today!
Driving when the world is surreal is definitely an experience.
It's surprisingly difficult to focus on driving and my surroundings in that state. Music helped.
But I'm home safe. And i don't think it's actually as cold out as i think (having had the heat blasting the entire way home), which between surreal and that make me suspect fever.
I don't know why it is that i want all the cuddles when I'm sick, but boy do i want all the people right now. All of them. Cuddle pile required! Stat!
Soon i will muster the energy to go in the house. My car's steering wheel should not be this comfortable. And probably isn't actually.
I would very much like to stop being sick, please. This month, why so much sick?
what pets have you had or lived with (as a child or as an adult)?
Edit: I forgot rabbits, horses, and goats as options! Alas.
Also, periods of "yes, good, yes... what? No..." or "what?" followed by confusion probably sound pretty odd.
(grading is boring, so weird things occur to me! And apparently music means I can keep _doing_ it without insanity, but still boring)
- Current Mood:grading
IM may have meant my mental stutter was non-obvious, I have no idea. I did manage an appropriate thank you in a reasonable amount of time.
I think I was bemused for a number of reasons. First, the notification of pending short hair was meant to be informational. Mind you, we had just been talking about my leaving grad school, and I'd pointed him to my recent posts on the topic. (This was in large part both a 'fyi' and a 'this likely means I'm not visiting you this year'.) So he had good reason to believe I might need reassurance in general.
But, and I think this is the more interesting aspect, I have trouble thinking of myself as beautiful if the context is purely appearance-based. It's not that I don't think I'm attractive (although, yes, depression is not helpful there), but that to me the concept of physical beauty is both highly unusual (I think a _very_ small - perhaps nonexistent? - number of people are beautiful when based solely on appearance) and needs to be to the level of breathtaking/awe to make sense.
So what's beauty?
I can't think of a way I use it purely about people's appearances. A still photograph of someone just can't be beautiful to me. Water, sky, the play of light on things: things like this can be still shots and be beautiful to me. Not people. (and perhaps not animals or plants, either. Not without light/water/sky things going on)
Once you add motion, it's no longer just physical appearance. It's going to include how someone expresses themselves, how they move, how they carry themselves. Even if you ignore possible sound/vocal cues, there is a _lot_ of info in motion.
One example for which I am pretty consistent relates to graceful movement. If someone nearby is doing something graceful, and I notice and don't have a good reason not to, I will become entirely distracted and just watch. It's absolutely about awe and beauty and things for which words are not coming. And it is entirely possible that my jaw will actually drop.
I have a similar reaction to enthusiasm being shared with someone, where, if it's with me, it's usually stronger than if I just happen to get to watch other people enjoying that experience. Enthusiasm and glee about things are absolutely beautiful.
Other ways people move can be beautiful, although it's not often something I'll notice if I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone (paying attention to conversation trumps noticing physical things). I think it may still tend to involve either grace or enthusiasm, now that I think about it! Or sometimes the way the light catches someone.
Perhaps my bafflement at being called beautiful is simply that I don't have many contexts in which I find people beautiful. So it's a temporary (and often fleeting) thing ('estar'), not a constant thing ('ser'). Which, why do we not have two "to be" words like Spanish does?
What do you all find beautiful?
- Current Mood: curious
And now you know!
What do you call the things in the title?
I have no go to word for this!
I doubt we have the hardware for the immersive virtual environment stuff, alas.
Because not only am i not getting much exercise, but my normal movements are not smooth.
Even just a little bit of work in the garden had me dripping sweat.
Oh. It's 90.
I hope it rains soon.
I was outside briefly to put things in the shed, and was all "I want to take a picture of the smells!"
After a pause, I was bemused to realize that no, I cannot photograph the smell of our lilacs in bloom. Nor the feel of things.
Me, I think the MIT museum on June 26th, Garden in the Woods on June 31st, Tower Hill Botanical Garden on July 17th, Arnold Arboretum at Harvard or Fruitlands Museum on July 24th, Boston Harbor Islands National and State Park on Aug 7th, Franklin Park Zoo on Aug 21st, and the EcoTarium on Aug 28th all sound interesting.
I also still mean to go to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum (mostly for what I hear about the Courtyard) at some point.
I keep making basic navigation errors this month, of the sort that i realize only after after making them. Missing turns, turning the wrong way, randomly leaving the highway much too early (like this morning), walking past the place I'm headed to... My commute so far hasn't had this happen, at least!
Wonder if it's related to randomly trying to do a different, but valid, thing than what was called at squares lately...
Sleepy, stressed brain is having weird errors, yes.
I r not actually awake. I just got on the train going the wrong way, for one thing...
Also, i kept losing my left and right and taking too long to process words (and therefore both calls i knew and explanations of calls).
I have no idea at _all_ where my water bottle went. I has a sad. Need to get a strap for the silver one I got from school, as it's at least also metal, even though it holds less water than the missing brilliant green one.
Also, it was _WAY_ warmer out than I expected when I walked to school. So many layers removed. Probably going to go grab a handy skirt that's in my bag from last week to wear to Squares as it'll likely be too warm for leggings.
The weather _looked_ like it'd be cool today! Maybe it'll be cooler later.
My sweatshirt with the winged wolf on it has a URL on it. Who knew (evidently people who are looking at it. ;)? Maybe eventually - when I have money - I will replace my disintegrating... aw, no. They don't still have a big cat wheel. I _could_ replace my Gryphon Wheel, though.
I saw a living, if furtive, Rosy red minnow a few minutes ago. Maybe other vertebrates lived!
Why might one be doing this? Discuss!
[edit: Huh, ok. I was being silly with that question, and got no silly answers! Admittedly, I am an excellent example of someone who often _needs_ to be cuddled into submission!]
It smells like wet dirt, i didn't have to wear a coat on top of my fleece, there are large swaths of bare dirt (but not in our yard yet), aaaand there are bits of green poking out of the ground!
And, we're at the point in being sick where I'm pretty sure I'm actually dreaming or at least reality isn't doing a very good job.
Not allowed to make decisions. Probably shouldn't drive, either, but that's much harder to avoid. We'll see how much of this week makes it to long term memory in a form that makes sense and i can access later.
Plus side? Only a degree warmer than usual. So probably not surreality due to fever.
Now I feed kitties and go to bed.
As you may or may not know, I have a lot of trouble paying attention to speech. The longer it goes on, the less able I am to focus on it. If I'm not exhausted (eg not winter), I can often play mindless card games on my computer to help my focus, but I forgot to bring my iPad into this talk.
And... about 40 minutes in, my attention _would not_ stay on the presenter any longer. (mind you, this is after a 2.5 hour morning class which is also a whole lot of listening) Found myself doing things like fiddling with blinds whose slats were not all facing the same direction (which wasn't quiet, but I couldn't avoid it anymore), jiggling my leg, and otherwise struggling to stay focused. The talk ended after around an hour and ten minutes, and if I hadn't had such trouble staying focused, I'd totally have been interested in the neurofeedback demonstration. I just _couldn't_ anymore, though. It was at the point of being painful by that point.
I have no idea if I have some minor form of ADD. I know only that listening to someone talk for long periods of time is _exhausting_ and difficult. And worse when I'm tired.
So now I'm going to wait a bit before driving home, because my focus is completely shot. And while I don't want to have to deal with rush hour traffic, I want to drive in this state even less.
Now, some meditation or otherwise not having to pay attention to my surroundings. My brain is full!
Matricies are probably not helped by having learned them in a rush when my calc 2 TA realized that I'd never learned them. (this, mind you, was the TA who tried _very hard_ to get me to change my major from CS to math)
I have no idea why I dislike being the first person to leave the room for a test but I do. And it's often the case. I either know how to answer a question or I don't, so I do what I can, and go back over it to make sure I made sense (short essay format) and catch anything I remembered in the meantime, and I'm _still_ often first person out.
Ah, well. Could have been worse. Feel like I remembered most of what I needed to remember.school
It's approximately midway through the time period from mid-Jan to mid-March (my worst time of year). Maybe the doom will start lessening soon...
But... I forgot to lightbox this morning. Dammit. This has not been a good week for lightboxing. That _can't_ be helping anything.
Today has all the doom.
Maybe tomorrow will have less.