Even just a little bit of work in the garden had me dripping sweat.
Oh. It's 90.
I hope it rains soon.
I was outside briefly to put things in the shed, and was all "I want to take a picture of the smells!"
After a pause, I was bemused to realize that no, I cannot photograph the smell of our lilacs in bloom. Nor the feel of things.
Me, I think the MIT museum on June 26th, Garden in the Woods on June 31st, Tower Hill Botanical Garden on July 17th, Arnold Arboretum at Harvard or Fruitlands Museum on July 24th, Boston Harbor Islands National and State Park on Aug 7th, Franklin Park Zoo on Aug 21st, and the EcoTarium on Aug 28th all sound interesting.
I also still mean to go to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum (mostly for what I hear about the Courtyard) at some point.
I keep making basic navigation errors this month, of the sort that i realize only after after making them. Missing turns, turning the wrong way, randomly leaving the highway much too early (like this morning), walking past the place I'm headed to... My commute so far hasn't had this happen, at least!
Wonder if it's related to randomly trying to do a different, but valid, thing than what was called at squares lately...
Sleepy, stressed brain is having weird errors, yes.
I r not actually awake. I just got on the train going the wrong way, for one thing...
Also, i kept losing my left and right and taking too long to process words (and therefore both calls i knew and explanations of calls).
I have no idea at _all_ where my water bottle went. I has a sad. Need to get a strap for the silver one I got from school, as it's at least also metal, even though it holds less water than the missing brilliant green one.
Also, it was _WAY_ warmer out than I expected when I walked to school. So many layers removed. Probably going to go grab a handy skirt that's in my bag from last week to wear to Squares as it'll likely be too warm for leggings.
The weather _looked_ like it'd be cool today! Maybe it'll be cooler later.
My sweatshirt with the winged wolf on it has a URL on it. Who knew (evidently people who are looking at it. ;)? Maybe eventually - when I have money - I will replace my disintegrating... aw, no. They don't still have a big cat wheel. I _could_ replace my Gryphon Wheel, though.
I saw a living, if furtive, Rosy red minnow a few minutes ago. Maybe other vertebrates lived!
Why might one be doing this? Discuss!
[edit: Huh, ok. I was being silly with that question, and got no silly answers! Admittedly, I am an excellent example of someone who often _needs_ to be cuddled into submission!]
It smells like wet dirt, i didn't have to wear a coat on top of my fleece, there are large swaths of bare dirt (but not in our yard yet), aaaand there are bits of green poking out of the ground!
And, we're at the point in being sick where I'm pretty sure I'm actually dreaming or at least reality isn't doing a very good job.
Not allowed to make decisions. Probably shouldn't drive, either, but that's much harder to avoid. We'll see how much of this week makes it to long term memory in a form that makes sense and i can access later.
Plus side? Only a degree warmer than usual. So probably not surreality due to fever.
Now I feed kitties and go to bed.
As you may or may not know, I have a lot of trouble paying attention to speech. The longer it goes on, the less able I am to focus on it. If I'm not exhausted (eg not winter), I can often play mindless card games on my computer to help my focus, but I forgot to bring my iPad into this talk.
And... about 40 minutes in, my attention _would not_ stay on the presenter any longer. (mind you, this is after a 2.5 hour morning class which is also a whole lot of listening) Found myself doing things like fiddling with blinds whose slats were not all facing the same direction (which wasn't quiet, but I couldn't avoid it anymore), jiggling my leg, and otherwise struggling to stay focused. The talk ended after around an hour and ten minutes, and if I hadn't had such trouble staying focused, I'd totally have been interested in the neurofeedback demonstration. I just _couldn't_ anymore, though. It was at the point of being painful by that point.
I have no idea if I have some minor form of ADD. I know only that listening to someone talk for long periods of time is _exhausting_ and difficult. And worse when I'm tired.
So now I'm going to wait a bit before driving home, because my focus is completely shot. And while I don't want to have to deal with rush hour traffic, I want to drive in this state even less.
Now, some meditation or otherwise not having to pay attention to my surroundings. My brain is full!
Matricies are probably not helped by having learned them in a rush when my calc 2 TA realized that I'd never learned them. (this, mind you, was the TA who tried _very hard_ to get me to change my major from CS to math)
I have no idea why I dislike being the first person to leave the room for a test but I do. And it's often the case. I either know how to answer a question or I don't, so I do what I can, and go back over it to make sure I made sense (short essay format) and catch anything I remembered in the meantime, and I'm _still_ often first person out.
Ah, well. Could have been worse. Feel like I remembered most of what I needed to remember.school
It's approximately midway through the time period from mid-Jan to mid-March (my worst time of year). Maybe the doom will start lessening soon...
But... I forgot to lightbox this morning. Dammit. This has not been a good week for lightboxing. That _can't_ be helping anything.
Today has all the doom.
Maybe tomorrow will have less.
Did you know the ground is down? Not up, or sideways? You're fun to watch, dancing around!
Things I never remember about me and exercise: Exercise that is useful in the short term (eg shoveling or using our snow blower or working in the garden) and exercise that is fun (working in the garden is here, too, and wandering around in nature, and social type exercise like Squares if I have help to make sure I actually go) are the types of exercise that I will actually _do_.
Seems like nearly every day this month, I'm doing enough physical work that I'm covered in sweat and achy _somewhere_ by the end of the day. Currently, my right shoulder says I use it too much when using the ice pick.
Anyway. Back to grading papers. And trying to focus.
It's probably good that we keep having snow days. I fear how far behind I'd be if we didn't. Of course, dealing with the snow does take a lot of time and energy, so mu?
Also, the plants on the third floor and in my bedroom are watered. The first floor, not recently. Poor plants.
Because February this year apparently needs _all_ the snow. Are we over our wintertime total snow record yet?
Plus side, it might not affect classes next week.
Minus side, as far as I can tell, no one knows when the MBTA rail services will be back.
Exercise is good. Not enough social time outside the house, less so.
Why yes i am happy to have you pull the snow berm out of our driveway, random snow plow guy! I'm not out at 8p because i want to be. :)
Tomorrow at 6:30a, we see if i have school or not.
Think it'll get to the top of our fence by winter's end? At least on the left side?
She decided to hold my thumb so i couldn't get away.
Because I needed them. A tiny cyclamen, and a hyacinth (jasra, you're so rarely here nowadays that I thought it was safe to get one).
Evidently I wasn't the only one who needed enthusiastic flowering plants in the house! (We have others, including african violets, but hyacinths are kind of nuts, flower-wise)
I guess now I see if I can keep a cyclamen alive. :)
A survey as part of a study that you might want to take:
"My name is Mike Duncan, and I am a doctoral candidate at Pacific University in the School of Professional Psychology, Clinical Psychology program. I am interested in increasing our knowledge base regarding the social support of sexual minority graduate students. Your participation would be very valuable in increasing our understanding of this phenomenon. I hope you will consider participating in the study below.
Sexual minority graduate students currently enrolled in a 3-year (or longer) psychology program are invited to participate in an IRB-approved online survey [IRB # 156-14] that will enhance our understanding of the relation between sense of belonging and internalized sexual prejudice. The survey should take approximately 20 minutes to complete. Participants can choose to enter a drawing for one of three $20 Visa gift cards.
To participate in the study, please click the link below:
If you have questions about this research, please contact the Principal Investigator, Mike Duncan, at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thank you for your time, interest, and participation."
I hate that it's so subtle. That i can suddenly realize that I'm wicked depressed, in large part based on noticing what assumptions I'm making.
That it's somehow entirely reasonable to think that everyone else is more interesting/important/worthwhile/success
Even knowing that depression is a lying liar that lies doesn't actually help because knowing things intellectually doesn't shut it up.
I think this is why cuddling helps. It's really difficult to believe the lies when being held or otherwise in affectionate contact. I think it's also part of why people coming to me in winter is helpful (harder to believe tolerance of people who come to me).
It's going to be dim for a few days. Wish the sun would come back, as i suspect the intensity of today's depression is due to a lack of sun. I don't think i was this bad yesterday.
Construction below my office appears to be mostly complete, at least.
*walks around inside building and goes back to reading for class*
We will be tested through essays and a term paper, but I do need to be able to understand and use these terms. This probably means there will be flash cards. Also a human brain coloring book.
Gonna take a break from the reading for Tuesday, I think.
This looks suspiciously like a low energy Arisia. So there will be naps and comfy clothes and cuddles whenever possible. And assuming i remember tomorrow, a pressure vest to bring with me.
And sun on Saturday.
Now i go to bed ridiculously early.
Glad to be off the sidewalks of hidden ice and the roads of crazy drivers!
Wonder if all that water will turn to ice overnight...
Sophie-cat said pick me up pick me up pick me up with both action and voice until i noticed. Then i held and pet her until my arm got tired.
I lay back on a couch cushion, at which point she tried to find my (then nonexistent) lap. With some encouragement, she instead ended up lying on my chest. This is a thing i love it when cats do, so i was very happy that this happened and she was willing to get comfortable there.
Sadly, then i needed sleep as her purrs and warm little body made me sleepy. Now, pills and bed, and much overflowing kitty happy. :)
Kitty on my chest, yay. :)
All the energy I gained from my earlier walk in the sun is now gone. And nowhere to nap in this office! Might as well go home, since I can.
And i start talkin' to myself in a vaguely southern accent. What?
Maybe it was the song i was listening to...
(eta) oh, hi, nerves! Wow. I'm going to ignore you and go in and talk to someone now.
The City of Medford has launched a city-wide parking program, placing parking payment kiosks in various areas around the city. Everyone visiting Medford Hillside or parking on Boston and College Avenues adjacent to the campus will have to pay to park, using the closest kiosk.
In addition to the kiosks, the city will also be increasing enforcement of resident parking areas. Many streets near the campus are posted for resident parking.
Please visit www.parkmedford.org for more information."